Mental Illness Bites

Today, right now, every moment. I am beginning anew.

Catch Up

This week has been frustrating, challenging, and difficult. It’s only Tuesday.

I apologize for not posting yesterday. The day just escaped me. You know those days, the days when you’re getting into bed and all of a sudden you realize the day is over and you have no idea how you get there.

My whole weekend was like that and it bled right into Monday. Today was headed that way until I decided about two minutes ago that I was going to stop the day right in its tracks and catch up.

Luckily, I found out earlier today that I will be uncharacteristically home on Thursday and so that means I don’t have to sit here at the computer banging my head against the wall trying to get this project to work while technology refuses to cooperate. I have the luxury of just stopping. I will come back to it tomorrow. I have time. And maybe, just maybe, by taking the time to let myself catch up with the events of the last few days I will also be able to stop the anxiety that has been snowballing and threatening to build until it crumbles me like a tsunami.

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Subject appears anxious.
Erik calls to tell me he’s on his way home from work; my time to catch up will be short lived. I’m glad he’s coming home, but with his arrival comes a host of expectations that I cannot handle right now. I did not get any time to just be today. So he will come home and make dinner. I will feel bad, because really, he’s been at work all day and should be the one who gets to come home and just be. The guilt will snowball into feelings of worthlessness —-> thoughts providing evidence of that —> deepened depression —-> anxiety about what I should have done/be doing/will have to do tomorrow —-> more anxiety/depression.

I am going to log off now. Go sit in a comfortable spot and try to catch up without letting the vicious cycle above spiral out of control. In the mean time, here’s an interesting series the NY Times is doing on anxiety. Check it out.

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